in Uncategorized, What I'm reading 1,001 Words

A Different Kind of “First-Blog-Post-of-the-Month” Blog Post

If you read my blog last week (A Lost Art) or my July e-newsletter, you know I have been decluttering this summer. I have reached an age at which I have realized that I’m not going to live forever and I really don’t want to leave my heirs a massive mess to deal with when I’m gone or incapacitated. Hence… it is time to declutter and part with many of the things, assorted memorabilia, pieces of paper, nice magazines, photographs, and even some of the books I never should have kept in the first place.

It’s time to let someone else get joy from some of my things by taking them to the thrift shop or donating them for a yard sale an organization is holding. It’s time for the recycling center to turn some of them into recycled paper. It is time for the landfill (my least favorite choice) to accept the rest.

In my first blog post of the month, I almost always write about the books I read the previous month. That is not what today’s post is about.

I started reading three or four books in July, but none of them grabbed my interest enough for me to drop everything else and finish reading them. Do you ever have times like that? When nothing feels quite right? When even favorite authors’ newest releases just fall flat?

The entire month of July was like that for me and August has begun in the same way.

Decluttering is exhausting for everyone. Looking at every item and every piece of paper and deciding whether to keep it or let it go is tedious and time consuming. I once again live in the house my parents built when I was seven years old. It is easy for things to accumulate in 64 years!

But that’s not the whole story. In fact, it is just a by-product of the root of the problem.

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Some of the challenges of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

Due to Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, I always have trouble remembering the details of what I just read… and sometimes it is worse than others. I am in one of those worse times now. When it hits, it is unsettling at best and devastating at its worst.

Every time I have experienced this in the 37 years I’ve dealt with this illness, it feels like I will never feel any better than I do at the moment. Perhaps this is the time that I stay stuck forever in the brain fog and debilitating fatigue in which I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. That is the state in which I find myself as I put the finishing touches on this blog post.

As described by the Mayo Clinic, the symptoms of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis vary from one person to another and from one time to another for each individual. Physical and mental activity worsen the person’s fatigue, and rest does not lessen the symptoms.

After 37 years, I no long remember what refreshing sleep feels like. I have very active dreams and my body can’t seem to distinguish between dreamt activity and actual activity. Therefore, I always wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep. I have to ease into my day and mornings are not good for me.

That makes no sense to someone who has not experienced it, but it is the best way I know to describe my life. As with any other person dealing with a chronic illness, I have to push through each day and do the best I can. This is my life, and I choose to make the best of it.

Part of my brain tells me that I will not stay in this slump forever, so I will hang onto that thought. I have to.

I chose to use the more accurate name for this little-understood syndrome in today’s post rather than my usual use of the American term for it, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). That name is degrading to the people who deal with the illness as patients or as medical professionals. It belittles the illness and the patients. It brings on comments like, “I’m tired, too.” Comments like that only serve to make the patient feel less valued as a human being. The CFS moniker for such an all-consuming illness is tantamount to the early name of Multiple Sclerosis: Malingerers Disease.

What did I try to read in July?

One book that I just didn’t have the mental energy for was Reading the Constitution: Why I Chose Pragmatism, Not Textualism, by retired US Supreme Court Justice Stephen G. Breyer. It is a very detailed book about a deep subject. The political scientist in me wanted to read it, but I was too tired to give it the time and concentration it needed. Mr. Breyer is very good at explaining laws and concepts in understandable language.

A political thriller I enjoyed but didn’t have time to finish before it had to be returned to the public library was Phantom Orbit, by David Ignatius. I have enjoyed all of Ignatius’ novels. I’m on the waitlist to check it out again.

Until my next blog post

If you tuned in today eager to see what I read last month, I apologize. If I can snap out of this mental fog, I will blog about the books I read in August in my blog post the first Monday in September 2.

Until then, I hope you have a good book to read.

My planned topic for next week’s blog post is the anniversary of the United States’ annexation of Hawaii as a territory in 1898. Time will tell if I am able to do the necessary research on that subject over the next seven days. If not, I hope to return to the blogosphere in the near future.

And please remember the people of Ukraine.

Janet

19 thoughts on “A Different Kind of “First-Blog-Post-of-the-Month” Blog Post”

  1. I hope things improve for you. De-cluttering is exhausting, not just physically but mentally.

    I have several books I just couldn’t get in to recently–highly acclaimed works of literary fiction–and I turned to an old favorite–Harlan Coben thrillers. Those, I couldn’t put down.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, Janet – at the beginning of this post, I began thinking “oh, July has been like that for me, too” – a birthday party, cleaning, busy-ness, hence way behind on reading. By the end, I was thinking and praying “God, please give Janet some relief!!” I hope that will happen, and soon, and you can get back to reading and get some rest. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well I hope you feel better, much better soon, real soon Janet. And I know that decluttering is quite a job indeed! Give yourself some time to relax without the need of doing anything specific. We all need a break every once in a while and it is so hot that it really takes one’s motivation away. I recently bought a kayak so that I could spend some time in the water (I do not like to swim) but it has taken me a whole month before I even unpacked the thing! In any event I am devouring my second book of the season and started a new one about Sherlock Holmes (but not written by ACD). Wishing you all the best and many good books as well. Enjoy the August heat, as you like hot weather. Me, I am ready for some autumnal changes. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Im sorry you’re dealing with this challenging illness Janet.
    I’m an active dreamer and have woken exhausted on occasion! I’m also susceptible to nightmares and need to monitor my reading content. I know it’s not even close to what you deal with. I take a magnesium supplement before bed which I think helps me sleep better but it may be a placebo!
    I’ve been decluttering in bits and spurts. It’s tedious. Do you have any luck listening to audio books? I hope you find a book in August that grabs your attention!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you, Carol. It seems like in my dreams I do all the things I can’t do in real like, like climbing endless stairs or running. I often have nightmares, too. I have good luck with some audio books. My favorite time to listen to a book is when I go to bed. The ones that don’t work so well are ones with a great various in volume. I started listening to The Girls We Sent Away, by Meagan Church, this weekend and I’m enjoying it. I hope it will get me back on track with reading. It was very frustrating to not find anything to read for more than a month!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you, Francis. Today has been a better day. Get that kayak out and enjoy it! I can’t believe you’re reading so many books! Way to go! This should all be a nice change in routine for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you so much for your concern and especially for your prayers. Today has been a better day, so I’m hopeful that I’m cycling out of the setback I experienced over the last several weeks. Your concern is truly appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Harlan Coben is good! It’s been quite a while since I read one of his thrillers. Perhaps that’s what I need! I started listening to The Girls We Sent Away, by Meagan Church, yesterday. Three of eight discs in, I’m enjoying it and interested to see what happens to the protagonist. It felt good to be reading again! It’s set in Charlotte in the early 1960s. The high school aspiring astronaut and class valedictorian gets pregnant and her parents send her away to a home for teen girls in her predicament. Thank you for your good wishes for me. Today has been a better day, so I’m hopeful that I might be cycling out of my July setback.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you, dear Laleh. I had a better day yesterday than I’d had in a while. When I have a good day, though, I usually do too much and then I pay for it the next day… which was the case today. I appreciate your good wishes. Many people have it much worse than I do. At least I don’t have a fatal disease. It is just something I’ve had to cope with for over half my life and apparently will for the rest of my life. Like I said, many people have to deal with much worse than I do. Last week was just a particularly low point for me and I was discouraged when I wrote my blog post. I’m more optimistic now. Thank you so much for your caring.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This blog post of yours was the first time I’d heard of this illness, and this one – https://womenintheology.org/2024/08/06/reading-the-parable-of-the-sower/ – a thought-provoking reading of the Parable of the Sower from the perspective of privilege, was the second, so I thought I would pass it on, thinking you might appreciate it. (To give credit where credit is due, I was tipped off to it by this author https://gaudetetheology.wordpress.com/) Continuing to pray for relief and better days!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thank you so much, Heather, for your concern and for sharing the link to Michelle Eastwood’s blog post about the Parable of the Sower. I love it when someone turns a parable on its head and prompts me to think about it in a new way. And for you to read about ME/CFS in two blog posts within a week is either serendipitous or a “God Thing.” I found it interesting that Michelle Eastwood also mentioned endometriosis, for I also had that as a teen and young adult. A series of surgeries finally rid me of it when I was 30. I can’t help but think about how much our mindset determines how people respond to their situations and challenges. Privilege can blind us to another person’s struggles. I guess it’s just human nature for us to assume everyone has the same opportunities that we have. I learned a lot about coping with illness from my father. During an especially difficult time for me in graduate school, in a long-distance phone conversation my parents offered me encouragement. My father quoted Romans 8:38-39 and also said, “No one can ever take your education away from you.” I have thought of that 1977 conversation many times over the years. My dad was in his last days fighting multiple myeloma and blindness. He never once asked, “Why me?” Without any effort on my part, I inherited his mindset. Although ME/CFS stole my education, my anticipated long career in city management, my ability to make a living at the age of 38, and tried to steal my self-esteem, I don’t ask, “Why me?” I say, “Why not me?” God did not promise His followers an easy, carefree life. He promised to be with us every step of the way. I don’t believe it was God’s will for my dad to have cancer or for me to have ME/CFS. Things happen. Life isn’t perfect. I didn’t mean to write so much, but after remembering that you, too, are PCUSA, I felt comfortable in sharing these things with you. There are so many things I want to do! That’s why it is so frustrating when my body and my brain don’t cooperate.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I recently got diagnosed with CFS myself and it is draining. Like you I have always felt tired and got told to stop being lazy but I do remember falling asleep when I was in school with lessons that didnt stimulate me.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. If you’re like many of us with CFS, you are probably relieved in some way to finally have a diagnosis. However, it is not an encouraging diagnosis. I am sorry this is the situation in which you find yourself. I sort of know now what my limits are, but I still exceed them because so much of the fatigue hits as a delayed reaction. I push myself all the time because I don’t know how to stop. When I have some energy, I can’t help but use it all up because I don’t know when I might have a good day again. I don’t know what stage you are in your journey with CFS, but I hope you were able to get into a good place financially before you maybe had to stop working. I thought I’d done everything I was supposed to do … college, a pretty good job, bought a condo…. but then the bottom fell out and the Social Security safety net didn’t get itself together until I’d lost everything. It’s difficult to keep self-confidence, so I hope you will be able to hold onto yours and find your way. Here I am, at 71 years old, trying to be a writer. So far, that pursuit has cost me more than it has produced in income, and most days I just can’t muster the energy or rise out of the brain fog to do it. It’s as if part of my brain still thinks I’m that person who can do all the things I want to do. It is frustrating being continually caught between the “want to” and the “can” or “should.” I wish you the very best and will welcome hearing from you again when you wish to reach out and are able. Thank you for finding my blog and for leaving me a message.

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