If you read my blog last week (A Lost Art) or my July e-newsletter, you know I have been decluttering this summer. I have reached an age at which I have realized that I’m not going to live forever and I really don’t want to leave my heirs a massive mess to deal with when I’m gone or incapacitated. Hence… it is time to declutter and part with many of the things, assorted memorabilia, pieces of paper, nice magazines, photographs, and even some of the books I never should have kept in the first place.

It’s time to let someone else get joy from some of my things by taking them to the thrift shop or donating them for a yard sale an organization is holding. It’s time for the recycling center to turn some of them into recycled paper. It is time for the landfill (my least favorite choice) to accept the rest.

In my first blog post of the month, I almost always write about the books I read the previous month. That is not what today’s post is about.

I started reading three or four books in July, but none of them grabbed my interest enough for me to drop everything else and finish reading them. Do you ever have times like that? When nothing feels quite right? When even favorite authors’ newest releases just fall flat?

The entire month of July was like that for me and August has begun in the same way.

Decluttering is exhausting for everyone. Looking at every item and every piece of paper and deciding whether to keep it or let it go is tedious and time consuming. I once again live in the house my parents built when I was seven years old. It is easy for things to accumulate in 64 years!

But that’s not the whole story. In fact, it is just a by-product of the root of the problem.

Some of the challenges of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

Due to Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, I always have trouble remembering the details of what I just read… and sometimes it is worse than others. I am in one of those worse times now. When it hits, it is unsettling at best and devastating at its worst.

Every time I have experienced this in the 37 years I’ve dealt with this illness, it feels like I will never feel any better than I do at the moment. Perhaps this is the time that I stay stuck forever in the brain fog and debilitating fatigue in which I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. That is the state in which I find myself as I put the finishing touches on this blog post.

As described by the Mayo Clinic, the symptoms of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis vary from one person to another and from one time to another for each individual. Physical and mental activity worsen the person’s fatigue, and rest does not lessen the symptoms.

After 37 years, I no long remember what refreshing sleep feels like. I have very active dreams and my body can’t seem to distinguish between dreamt activity and actual activity. Therefore, I always wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep. I have to ease into my day and mornings are not good for me.

That makes no sense to someone who has not experienced it, but it is the best way I know to describe my life. As with any other person dealing with a chronic illness, I have to push through each day and do the best I can. This is my life, and I choose to make the best of it.

Part of my brain tells me that I will not stay in this slump forever, so I will hang onto that thought. I have to.

I chose to use the more accurate name for this little-understood syndrome in today’s post rather than my usual use of the American term for it, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). That name is degrading to the people who deal with the illness as patients or as medical professionals. It belittles the illness and the patients. It brings on comments like, “I’m tired, too.” Comments like that only serve to make the patient feel less valued as a human being. The CFS moniker for such an all-consuming illness is tantamount to the early name of Multiple Sclerosis: Malingerers Disease.

What did I try to read in July?

One book that I just didn’t have the mental energy for was Reading the Constitution: Why I Chose Pragmatism, Not Textualism, by retired US Supreme Court Justice Stephen G. Breyer. It is a very detailed book about a deep subject. The political scientist in me wanted to read it, but I was too tired to give it the time and concentration it needed. Mr. Breyer is very good at explaining laws and concepts in understandable language.

A political thriller I enjoyed but didn’t have time to finish before it had to be returned to the public library was Phantom Orbit, by David Ignatius. I have enjoyed all of Ignatius’ novels. I’m on the waitlist to check it out again.

Until my next blog post

If you tuned in today eager to see what I read last month, I apologize. If I can snap out of this mental fog, I will blog about the books I read in August in my blog post the first Monday in September 2.

Until then, I hope you have a good book to read.

My planned topic for next week’s blog post is the anniversary of the United States’ annexation of Hawaii as a territory in 1898. Time will tell if I am able to do the necessary research on that subject over the next seven days. If not, I hope to return to the blogosphere in the near future.

And please remember the people of Ukraine.

Janet