To write or not to write

With just two weeks remaining in 2018, I’m taking stock of my life. I’m at a crossroads of sorts. I feel like I’ve floundered much of this year. I’ve lost sight of my purpose. I haven’t worked on my historical novel manuscript since June.

I’ve been a bit of a caregiver for my sister for the last six weeks since she had surgery. As she daily regains energy and feels more like herself, it becomes acutely clear to me the difference between a typical illness or surgery and a chronic illness.

I heard someone 20 years my senior recently lament her lack of energy after having surgery. Such comments as, “I just want my energy back” stuck in me like a dagger. A chronic illness robbed me of my energy in 1987. It never came back. Chances are it never will.

I’m taking stock this month. Do I have what it takes to write a novel? The desire is there, but it takes hundreds of hours of mental work to write a novel. I have worked on it off and on for more than a decade.

The pressure I’m putting on myself about writing that novel is just that – pressure that I’m putting on myself. I want something to show for my life. I want to see that book on the shelf, my name on the spine. But that’s not enough. That’s not the reason one should try to write a novel.

 In order to write a novel, a person has to have a fire in his or her soul, a passion for the story, the realization that they can’t not write the book. Pardon the double negative, but I’ve heard it expressed in those terms so many times. “I have to write because I can’t not write.”

There is a story in me that’s been trying to see the light of day for more than 10 years. Only time will tell if I have what it takes to put the words on paper and push it out the door.

Until my next blog post

I hope you have a good book to read.I just finished reading The Dream Daughter, by Diane Chamberlain. Unlike any of Ms. Chamberlain’s earlier novels, this one has to do with time travel. That came as a surprise to me. I like the idea of time travel, and Ms. Chamberlain did a great job with this story.

I was eager to start reading Jodi Picoult’s latest novel, A Spark of Light. The premise held promise and I thought if any writer could write a soul-searching novel about abortion, it would be Ms. Picoult. I was disappointed in the book. I think I would have liked it if it had been written in chronological order; however, it covers 11 hours, begins with hour number 10, and works its way backwards to hour number one, which is followed by hour number 11. The way the material was presented did not appeal to me. I was tempted to read the chapters in reverse order, but I wasn’t in the mood to do that after having started with the first chapter.

If you’re a writer, I hope you have quality writing time and the physical energy to reach your goals.

Thank you for reading my blog. You could have spent the last few minutes doing something else, but you chose to read my blog. I appreciate it! I welcome your comments.

I’ll try to write a more upbeat blog next week. When I started blogging more than seven years ago, the purpose of my blog was to share my journey as a writer. The journey has stalled recently, but maybe I’ll get my second wind in 2019.

Let’s continue the conversation.

Have you read A Spark of Light, by Jodi Picoult? What did you think of it? Did you find its being written “backwards” appealing or confusing? I have enjoyed every other Jodi Picoult book I’ve read, so I was surprised when I had no desire to read beyond the second chapter of this one. The book has gotten mixed reviews online.

If you’re a writer, what pulls you out of the pit of self-doubt when discouragement tries to overwhelm you?

Janet