I have followed John Pavlovitz’s blog for years. He is a pastor whose church left him. Notice my phrasing. In these times of evangelicals blurring the lines between church and state and morphing into what resembles a political party, Mr. Pavlovitz found himself out of step with his congregation.

Mr. Pavlovitz now writes on Substack. Like me, he is worried about the state of things in America and is baffled over how people who profess to be Christians think all the chaos, name-calling, lying, and destruction of our democracy that have taken place since January 20 are just fine. They say they would vote for it again, if given the opportunity.

On April 25, Mr. Pavlovitz wrote an excellent piece on Substack titled, “Do You Miss Who You Were Before All This? I Do.” Reading that article prompted me to write today’s blog post.

I wanted to address this on April 26 or April 28, 29, or 30, or May 1, 2, or 6, but I had already started writing my posts for those days. I was just trying to keep up with all the craziness going on in the US Government, so I had to plug today’s topic into my first available day… Friday, May 9.

Mr. Pavlovitz wrote eloquently in his April 25 piece about how he misses his former self. He realizes he has been dealing with the growing intolerance for others in our society and in our world for a decade now.

He misses his former self who laughed more easily, who naively thought most people around him had the same worldview, who more easily gave people the benefit of the doubt than he does today.

I can identify with everything he said, and I miss my former self. In fact, I miss the person I was before November 5, 2024.

The me I was before the election was a hopeful me. That me thought that surely there were enough good people in America that Donald Trump would not be reelected.

As the election results came in on the night of November 5, I realized how I had misjudged my fellow Americans.

The night that Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton in November 2016 was a huge disappointment.

The night Donald Trump defeated Kamala Harris was a gut punch.

In the ensuing weeks, I tried to convince myself that even though the next four years would be bad, we would weather the storm. America was strong. Ultimately, good would prevail.

Then Inauguration Day came and whiplash set in. The Project 2025 playbook we had been warned about, was put into place at warp speed.

I have lost some things, like my sense of humor, joy to greet each new day, anticipating that day will be a good one.

But I have learned a lot about myself.

I have learned that I can speak up for democracy when it is no longer a safe thing to do.

I can speak out against injustice.

I can put myself out there on the internet with my blog and say things that I know some people won’t like. Some of those people are my friends, relatives, and fellow church members.

I have found what I am willing to fight for. It was easy to be patriotic my first 72 years. It is not so easy now to be patriotic in America if you love democracy. The MAGA people have blurred the meaning of patriotism. In their eyes, if you don’t blindly and angrily support Trump, you are not patriotic. It is not so easy when you know that speaking up against the United States President can land you in harm’s way.

The MAGA people have blurred what it means to be a Christian. They seem to have a convoluted belief that God favors America and God wants America to be rich and turn its back on poor people here at home and around the world. They seem to believe that God wants America to wield such a fierce and powerful military that the rest of the world will cower in fear. The fact that they conflate that worldview with believing in Jesus Christ just doesn’t add up in my mind.

Coming to grips with this new Christian Nationalism movement is the most frightening part of our current situation in the United States. So many people who profess faith in Jesus Christ appear to have lost sight of his teachings. Instead of clinging to “Love thy neighbor,” they cling to “An eye for an eye.” Or, at best, they only consider people who are just like they are as their neighbors.

I am momentarily encouraged when I hear things like a US District Court for the District of Columbia granting a temporary restraining order to block Trump’s dismantling of the Institute of Museums and Library Services.

I am momentarily encouraged when I hear that the Voice of America shutdown is moving its way through the court system.

I am temporarily encouraged when I hear that there was enough public outcry and pressure put on by a journalist that the Guatemalan woman who was eight months pregnant and walked through an Arizona desert for two days with just one bottle of water is going to get a chance to tell a judge why she sought safety in the United States because she was scared to remain in Guatemala. If not for the press, though, she would have been deported as soon as her baby was born.

I cringe when Trump says the press is “the enemy of the people.”

It should not take a judge or a reporter to stop the injustices. The injustices should not be happening, but they are happening in such numbers and with such rapidity that there’s no way for the judiciary or the press to catch them all.

When I ask, “How are you?” please don’t say, “Fine.” If you are truly “Fine” right now in America, you’re obviously not paying attention.

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Until my next blog post

I hope you have a nice, relaxing weekend.

I hope you have a good book to read.

Remember the people of Ukraine and western North Carolina.

Janet